no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
