so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
