I just saw a hot homeless man
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Let's paint friendship bongs
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
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