The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
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