I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
