i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
