Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
