At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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