No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
