don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
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Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
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I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize