i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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