Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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