she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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