My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
