Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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