thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
