at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
