Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
