Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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