He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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