where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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