what if every blade of grass was a penis?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
