Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
