I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
