i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Lo siento on account of my penis...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
