proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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