you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
