Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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