Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
this just has baby written all over it
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
