and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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