I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You may now shotgun with the bride
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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