Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
