Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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