You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize