Apparently you make a good broom.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
