No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
