Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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