I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
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That's how twitter works, right?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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