its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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