HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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