I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
last night I used snow as a chaser
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
