I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
