He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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