what day is it and did you see me today?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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