just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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