if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize