but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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