my mouth tastes like poor choices
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
