I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
