so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
