NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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