Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
