1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
