he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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