I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
