She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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