you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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