How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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