He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
