I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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