my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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