and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
