did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
