I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It was a blind-side dick pic.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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