i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
