I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
