I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
