PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
