Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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