In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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