Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
