The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
