she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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