I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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