how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I didn't notice because vodka
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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