This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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