Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
