you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
