I swear she didn't look like that last week.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
