I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
